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2011 Year in Review

Blair 'the Flair'

Kiwi Pro Wrestling has as its mission statement to bring the finest in New Zealand professional wrestling to the fans and 2010 was no exception.

It’s been a year of endings and beginnings, of both arrivals and departures from KPW. But the biggest story of the year has to be the change at the top. That’s right, 2010 was the year where a brand new “king of the mountain” was crowned. Some would say it had been a long time coming (especially the new champion himself), but to all involved it was still a shocking result with implications running throughout the roster for the remainder of the year.

Hello KPW fans, Blair “the Flair” here with the annual “Year in Review” for KPW. And what a year it’s been. Surely the biggest event of the year is the change in KPW Champion!

After riding high at the end of season one of KPW’s “Off The Ropes”, Max “the Axe” Damage was the man to beat. He staved off all challengers, but when you’ve got the gold, there’s always someone wanting to take it from you. For his part, the Technician began 2010 already holding gold, as one half of the KPW tag team champions. You’d have thought that would have satisfied him and kept him busy with title defenses, but if you truly think that, then you don’t know the half of the Technician’s competitive streak! Meanwhile, Max Damage narrowly avoided losing his coveted KPW championship to ex-champ and erstwhile ally H-Flame at “Hometown Challenge” when the match was declared a no contest. Max Damage then entered into the challenge of his career at “Make Or Break” where he didn’t even know who his opponent would be until the Number One Contender’s Battle Royal had been fought, meaning he could never be truly prepared.
True to form, the Technician shone through the other competitors in the Battle Royal and so did his ambitious streak, as he last eliminated his own tag team partner Kade Morgan “3G” to earn the coveted title shot.

Alex 'Danger' Donahue

Hey Rhodes this review has already started on a bad note. First of all you didn’t even introduce the most Dangerous man in KPW, me, Alex “Danger” Donahue! And you didn’t mention that our new champion the Technician has the most gold in KPW history! Not only is he a dual champion but he’s a double gold medal winner at the Oceania games! The only gold Max Damage has now is the gold fillings from where The Technician knocked his teeth out hahaha!

BR - As usual, I’m joined by the man who needs no introduction but is contractually obligated to receive one nonetheless – Alex Donahue. I was hoping to keep this a civil “Year in Review” article, but we’ll have to soldier on anyway. In any case, KPW fans know what happened later at “Make or Break”. The unthinkable became reality when the Technician proved to be the one wrestler capable of unseating the biggest man in New Zealand professional wrestling. In a grueling best of three falls match, the Technician toppled the bigger man from the top rope in the deciding fall of their championship match to lift the KPW Championship belt. As well as fulfilling what he saw as his destiny, the Technician became the first dual champion in KPW history! Showing his determination to establish a lasting reign, the Technician accepted the challenge of long-time foe “Powerhouse” Jade Diamond as quickly as KPW management could draw up the contract.

Perhaps starting as he means to go on, the Technician staved off the all-out assault in a title defence that was more memorable for the small crowd of wrestlers at ringside than having a level playing field for unobstructed refereeing.

ADD - Okay, first of all the only thing “unobstructed” about Senior Referee Daniel Martins is the line at the buffet restaurant when he goes there for his daily feeding hahaha! That match was a sham and a disgrace! Whetu “the cheating warrior” came and interfered as usual and I was scared that thug Diamond would sneak a win! Thank goodness for “3G” Kade Morgan, Wilbur Force and “The Fixation” Jimmy Fox. And thank goodness that referee Martins is as stupid as he is hideous hahaha!

BR - Well, you’re forgetting the fact that the massive Mister Samoa came out and saw off all of those men! We’ll get to him in a moment, because speaking of departures, it’s also noteworthy that 2010 saw some of KPW’s most recognisable talent seek to further their wrestling skills by competing overseas. Having achieved all he set out to do in KPW, Max “the Axe” Damage relocated to Australia late in the year to ply his wrestling trade in the Australian professional wrestling scene. We of course wish him well and know he’ll make as big an impact in Australia as he has in New Zealand.

ADD - Wish him well? I say good riddance! Max Damage trained me then had the gall to express his disappointment that I was associating with great men like “The King of Bling” Charlie Roberts! Well, all I can say is you better run Damage, because if you come back I’ll show you just how “Dangerous” I can be! Sure you have defeated some big names, but you’ve never stepped into the “Danger Zone”!

BR - Also seeking to make himself a more formidable foe, the “Powerhouse” also made the leap to Australia recently. With his youth and enthusiasm, he’s sure to soak more than the sun in Australia, becoming a serious contender to any championship that he sets his eyes on.

ADD - Be honest Rhodes! He left because he couldn’t get the job done against the Technician! He couldn’t beat him with Whetu the cheat alongside him and he couldn’t beat him one on one! You add that to the fact that “The Ayotollah of High Rollers” Charlie Roberts will be looking for revenge against Diamond for the beating he gave him at “Hometown Challenge” and it’s no surprise that “The Flowerhouse” has high tailed it out of town!

BR - Look, a wise man once said you should always keep your words soft and sweet because you may have to eat them later and I think that could well happen to you! But speaking of losses, perhaps the biggest departure from the KPW roster in 2010 was one that was not undertaken voluntarily. I speak of the culmination of the enmity between the fiery veteran Inferno and the leader of Team Pretty, Jonnie Juice himself. These two had been on a collision course for years, so it was with a sinking feeling of finality that I watched them enter into their Career versus Career match at “Make or Break”. I, for one, had been dreading this confrontation as I knew what each was prepared to do in order to win, having followed both men up and down the country since the beginning of their professional wrestling careers as tag team partners. The match itself was amazing, as much for its fury and desperation as for its technical flair. However, in the end, Inferno
prevailed and Jonnie Juice was sent into retirement the hard way. I think I speak for myself and Mister Donahue when I say that there will never be another Jonnie Juice. Whatever his unsportsmanlike conduct, the fact remains that he was an amazingly talented wrestler and he will be sorely missed from KPW.

But it hasn’t been all doom and gloom and departure lounges for KPW in 2010. For one, we’ve seen a young man from the urban Serengeti start to claw a niche for himself in KPW. The “Young Lion” Dane King impressed in his debut at “February’s Feud” against the high-flying Lazarus Volt and even survived a brutal encounter with ex-KPW Champion Inferno at “Hometown Challenge”.

ADD - I have to say I enjoyed watching “The Young Kitten” get his fur singed Blair Rhodes hahaha!

BR - Speaking of new faces in KPW, in a pleasant surprise for the KPW fans, the biggest arrival of the year turned out to be exactly that. Mister Samoa, the happy-go-lucky giant from the islands, made his debut at the biggest show of the year, “Halloween Howl 5” and immediately impressed the fans by accomplishing the seemingly impossible – shutting Charlie Roberts’ big mouth! With a wealth of speed and power at his massive disposal, Mister Samoa seems eager to claim the mantle of the biggest man in New Zealand professional wresting. With a debut of such magnitude and momentum, Mister Samoa could head into 2011 and be the “next big thing”!

ADD - First off, Blair Rhodes you best watch what you say about my close personal friend from the high rent district Charlie Roberts or I’ll have to slap your ridiculous moustache off! But you’re right by saying that Mister Samoa made an impact. I’m very rarely speechless but witnessing the sheer power that man has took the words right out of my mouth! However, he’s made a huge mistake on his first night in KPW. He’s attracted the attention and the ire of our champion, The Technician! Mister Samoa best head into 2011 with eyes in the back of his head because the Technician has proven time and again that he can strike from anywhere!

BR - Well, you’re right, but that still remains to be seen. Remember, this is KPW, where you have to be ready for anything! A lot can change in the world of professional wrestling in a short space of time. Take 2010 in KPW, for example. We’ve seen a number of old faces become as new again, some for the better and some for the worse. What about the change that essentially gave you your job? I should know, I was there when colour commentator “Wonderful” Wilbur Force stepped over the line by running his big mouth once too often at “Hometown Challenge”. Though I’m normally seen behind the commentary table, I felt left with little choice but to step between the ropes with the man who thought that because he called the action he could be the centre of attention in the ring.

ADD - I remember that night well, Blair Rhodes. I was your assigned official for that match and believe me when I say that even though I was supposed to be impartial it was simply glorious to see you get squashed like the bug you are! Not only did “Wonderful” Wilbur Force leave an imprint of your out-of-shape body on the ring canvas with his thunderous Big Splash, he left an imprint in the minds of both the fans and the wrestlers in the back that he is indeed a true force to be reckoned with!

BR - Okay, it’s true that in that match I may have bitten off more than I could chew… well, more than anybody could chew, for that matter. It’s true that I underestimated Wilbur Force and I did pay the price. He has forcibly made the transition from commentator to contend with to a wrestler to be reckoned with. Having joined forces with the veteran Irishman Mike Ryan to form what he calls “the New Dynasty”, such a combination of raw power and savage aggression might well be unstoppable in 2011!

ADD - And don’t forget, Rhodes, that “Hometown Challenge” saw the emergence of yours truly as the most “Dangerous” voice in KPW! I made the transition from referee to commentator so flawlessly it was clear that I was made for the job. And now not only can I be true to my opinions on that moronic Senior Referee Daniel Martins but I can finally stop bowing and scraping before our fans. You people better listen up because it’s Danger Time and I’m keeping a mental log of each time you idiots boo me!

BR - It’s great to see those anger management classes are paying off – you’re really focusing your aggression, even if it is towards the KPW fans! And speaking of focusing, 2010 was the year that another referee made a transition that came about by focusing on his roots. I’m talking about veteran referee Mark Freemantle, who has longed to step between the ropes as a competitor for some time now. Embracing his Canadian heritage to focus his determination has resulted in him transforming into a high-flying risk-taker in the KPW mix, ensuring that competitors will have to rethink their game plan to take account of the self-proclaimed“X Factor”!

ADD - You know, Blair Rhodes if Mark Freemantle, ever went back to Canada he’d raise the combined IQ of both countries hahaha! He may fly like a bird of prey but time will tell if he becomes the hunter or the hunted!

BR - All talking of feathered friends aside, if KPW had a Hollywood couple made in Hell, it would be the fiery veteran Inferno and manager Charlie Roberts. These two have been thick as thieves for what seems like forever, with Roberts managing Inferno to KPW championship gold in season one of “Off The Ropes”. But after the “Ayatollah of High Rollers” relied one too many times on his interfering, cheating ways, Inferno was left without the Championship and after Inferno failed to become number one contender in a match against H-Flame, Charlie Roberts was left without a client!

ADD - Inferno has just made the biggest mistake of his career Blair Rhodes! His future in New Zealand wrestling is now clouded in smoke and uncertainty. But as they say, where there’s smoke there’s bound to be fire!

BR - Well, speaking of people with anger management issues, the entirety of 2010 has been one long “red haze” for the last surviving member of Team Pretty, namely Queen Hollie. Already infuriated by the reappearance of previously-banished former Team Pretty member Jesse at the climax of season one of “Off The Ropes”, the Queen let her passions spill over at “February’s Feud” which cost her the match against her old foe. Never one to blame herself, Queen Hollie then turned her frustrations on what she obviously thought would be a soft target, namely the blameless angel of mercy Nurse Payne. However, as the Queen soon found to her cost, anyone who looks after the savage Brute can certainly take care of themselves! Though far more cunning and devious than the good Nurse, Queen Hollie found an opponent of equal wrestling skill in the ring. This again lead her cruelty and arrogance to run roughshod over her experience, enabling Nurse Payne to gain not one but two hard-fought victories. But just as hell has no fury like a woman scorned, Queen Hollie’s revenge would be both terrible and cruel as she decapitated “Lovely One”, the Brute’s favourite soft toy for no other reason than it would cause Nurse Payne, well, pain!

ADD - It was brilliant Rhodes! Simply brilliant! Don’t waste any sympathy for that Jezebel Nurse Payne! She had no respect for the Queen of KPW and when you disrespect royalty you get royally beaten down! Queen Hollie has had a tough year in 2010 but I predict that 2011 will see our beautiful Queen rise to the top where she belongs once more! My other prediction Blair Rhodes is more of a warning to the entire KPW roster; without “Lovely One” to keep him in check the Brute is sure to go on a rampage of truly epic proportions and nobody, and I mean nobody will be safe!

BR - Nurse Payne is less of a Jezebel and more of a Job, having to bear the cross of the Brute and loudmouths like yourself. The conflict between these two KPW divas was one of the highlights of 2010 when it came to personal conflicts between wrestlers on the KPW roster. That’s not to take away from the ferocity of Juice versus Inferno, which I’ve mentioned earlier. Remember when the animosity between the “Young Lion” and “Wonderful” Wilbur Force escalated from a one-on-one conflict to a two-on-two tag team encounter involving Mark Freemantle and Irishman Mike Ryan? And who could forget the Technician, taking on all comers and ending 2010 weighed down with championship belts and medals?

ADD - Indeed it was sad to see Juice go, but Inferno proved yet again just how destructive he can be when he’s good and focused! As for Dane King and his partner Mark Freemantle, don’t get me started! It was more enjoyable than I can say watching Freemantle getting slammed around like a hockey puck by Mike Ryan and seeing the “Young Lion” tamed like a common house cat by Wilbur Force was the icing on the cake! But I really want to mention our incredible fighting champion The Technician. The man has more gold than an eighties action sitcom star and if I hope he’s got his sunscreen on this summer, Blair Rhodes, because his future in KPW has to be shining so bright anyone around him will need to up their SPF factor! As for you, Blair Rhodes, you best use the holiday season to think long and hard about how you talk to me, or Santa will be delivering your gifts to intensive care when I’m through with you!

IN CLOSING…

Looking ahead to 2011, everything has been set in place to make it the biggest year yet for New Zealand professional wrestling. Our television show Off the Ropes showcased the top wrestling talent in the country with both live and televised matches and will reach new heights in 2011. International talent will lock up with New Zealand’s best and KPW will keep you fans posted with developments early in the New Year.

On behalf of KPW management, we’d like to thank all of KPW’s sponsors and supporters and we are looking forward to taking professional wrestling to a new level in 2011!

BLAIR “the Flair” and ALEX “Danger” DONAHUE.