Stix, on behalf of my client Steve Jordan I formally and gleefully decline your request to a rematch with "The Natural". Yes, in Tauranga you may have won the match, got the ol' one-two-three but that is all you won. What you didn't win was this; the hearts of the fans, theirs and our respect and you most certainly did you not win or even come close to winning the battle. Your win was what is called a "fluke". Team Jordan left the QE2 building that night heads with held high knowing that we were and are better than you, and in fact better than anyone else on the card that night. Spotlight-stealing, money-making, girl-thieving, stars-in-your-sunken-eyes...
That in mind why would Steve Jordan endeavour to fight you yet again? The result is a foregone conclusion. Without that one simple mistake resulting in the pin fall in your favour, "The Natural" would've destroyed you like the fast-living lifestyle you're accustomed to done has to your vitality and youth. I've seen the bags under your eyes, the wrinkles on your forehead, the sagging of your muscles. Take it easy bro. Rock'n'roll is a young man's game... And so Steve says, "No". He doesn't wish to waste his time yet again. Instead, he plans to stay at home, drink some spirulina smoothies, eat organic Papaya hand-fed to him by nubile eastern European beauties and lounge by his solar-heated swimming pool in the super hot Tauranga sunshine.
But I have another man, a close personal friend that is keen to get in the ring with you and show you what he is made of. A man that loves to fight. A man who lives to scrap. A man who thrives on the pain of others. Let me introduce to you Shane "The Demolition Man" Carver. With a mixed martial arts background Carver is one of New Zealand's legitimately toughest men. I have seen him break as many noses and eye sockets as you have broken drum sticks. His next victim is you, Stix....
Shane Carver is an athlete, a pure athlete. He looks upon your rock'n'roll life of excess as the sickening frivolous waste that it is. Come the 23rd of September at Cossie Carnage in Upper Hutt, "The Demolition Man" will show you just how much he hates those that fail to respect themselves and their bodies. That is, if you even dare to show up at all...
A.T.H.
Manager of "The Natural" Steve Jordan
Protector of his client's business Interests
Legal consul to The Elite (Steve Jordan and Bull Addamz)
Delights in bending rules and the law