News Item

A Royal Siren Song

Greetings to all from the Kingdom of Pretty

It's summer (apparently) and like all pretty people, there's really only one place a Queen should be. A place where the gifted and good looking flock to finally have their eyes gaze upon those whom are deserving to look back. Where the 1% roam guiltless and the sun is always shining...

...yes, I'm talking about Auckland!

But instead, KPW management have decided we must now visit.....

...Tauranga.

What? It sounds like Toe-wrong-ah. It's full of heathens and holidaying drunkards and to make matters worse, it's not only Towranga we must visit, it's (gulp) Mount Maunganui. "Mount". Oh how I laugh. I'm from Taranaki, where there's a real mountain, and the streets are free from the blight of mobility scooters "The Mount" suffers from.

The only thing sillier than putting me amongst a mass of commoners such as those from Mount Maungaiti, is putting me in a match with everyone's favourite twinky, Nurse Payne. Oh, sure. The crowd will cheer her on and hope she gets in a few shots, setting me for a nice and clean one, two, three against me. And yes, The Twinky has upped her game in the last year. She's trained hard, has experienced international caliber competition, and has that titanic Brute to keep her safe from interference.

But the truth is, on the 21st of January there will be more than one siren in The Bay calling a ship to the rocks and dutifully sinking it (along with any hope of the salvation).

The countdown to the arrival of Your Royal Highness has begun, Maungaiti. I'll be visiting your little hill very soon, and I'll probably souvenir Nurse Paynes dignity when I do (because there's definitely nothing else I'd want from your town).

This is Queen Hollie reminding you:

"I don't have to be nice - I'm pretty."

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