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15.01.12 09:35 Age: 5 yrs

The Kings Speech

King WilburA new year has dawned on your King's empire, a year which shall present challenges trials and more important than anything else... VICTORY!

I have been a busy King since my last message, throwing royal parties, humouring international dignitaries and as usual plundering the weak. Tis a tough task being the face of a country and the standard of which everyone lives up to. A standard which not all can reach, one person who comes to mind is the Fixation Jimmy Fox... The man... No the weasel who cost me my championship gold.

But I am not so petty as to simmer and dwell on the tragedy that was Grudge Night. As mentioned before the New Year presents challenges and trials, at least that's what I will have Rip Morgan believe, for on the 21st of January I am to face the brutish savage Mr Samoa.... A man who comes to the ring dressed in shredded curtains and plastic bags, a “man of the people” a man who would give up his own mother for a bowl of Kava. Trust me my peasants' I am more concerned with organizing your taxes than I am with fighting an overblown idiotic savage like Mr Samoa.

Rip Morgan and the KPW fraternity will have you believe that this will be a challenge for your King, no for the only challenge I shall face on January the 21st in Taranga will be stopping myself from vomiting once I enter that horrible shanty town. It is true your king is wonderful at many things but being around sickly peasants in a town built on broken dreams and dirty deeds is not one of them.

So then, a call to arms is appropriate... Irish Man Mike Ryan, Rise from your cave! YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU!

And to Mr Samoa, If I were you and thank god I am not, I would steer clear of me come January the 21st lest you want a beating from your king or a phone call to internal affairs in regards to your questionable ‘citizenship'.