News Item

03.01.12 22:00 Age: 6 yrs

Tauranga full of boorish philistines

KPW is coming to my home town. I would tell my fellow people of Tauranga to come out and see our live show but Pro Wrestling is an art form and we all know that denizens of this city are a bunch of boorish philistines. This is the town after all that has a Jazz Festival each year but never invites any Jazz acts. An art gallery that has no visitors and a theater that is crumbling to the ground and which gets less of an audience than the local pirate themed murder mystery at some sloppy dive off in the woods.

If you chuckleheads came along you wouldn't get the subtleties involved, the complexities, the nuances. We are entertainment of the highest order. Well at least 'The Natural' Steve Jordon and myself are. As for the rumbling rocker Stix, you are not at our level. While we are high quality BBC sunday theater starring Helen Mirren you my friend are an easy to digest Shortland Street episode which is probably why all the cabbage brained idiot fans love you so much. I suppose they can relate to your uncouth ways and low class lifestyle. But you know what we don't care. We have no desire to achieve the love of these Tauranga hillbillies. We have nothing in common with them. While they are happy sitting in the park eating fish n' chips, mindlessly throwing a frisbee at one another, listening to the rugby on radio sport we are entertaining members of high society over cocktails and hand prepared nibbles crafted by our French chef next to our slat water pool in our mega mansions in Bethlehem Heights. We wouldn't lower ourselves to their level.

Stix the last time you met one of my charges I will admit you had the edge. But don't believe for a second that history will repeat. The Natural and myself have hired a crack team of analysts to go over your matches to find your weaknesses. And we have. And we will exploit them. So come the 21st of January, at the QE2 Tauranga expect only one thing. Losing! Drummer boy, like counting the beat do ya? Well expect Steve Jordan to deliver a 4/4 beat to your head as he drums some sense into that tiny brain of yours...